Why Worry?

For a guy that came from a family that didn’t value worrying… I am pretty good at it. My mom had no- and I repeat no worries in the world. Her personal philosophy of life was “Whatever bees, bees”. It was so frustrating at times when I couldn’t get my own mom to worry with me about my “Big” worries that I thought she might be absolutely clueless. My Dad wasn’t too far away on the worry scale. His coaching was “If I thought worrying would help, I would encourage you to do more, son”. “Life is round” he would say. “It goes up and down, and that’s just the way it is.”

So how did I become such an expert on worrying? For me there is good worrying and bad worrying. I guess being an overachiever with aspirations off the chart drives me to carefully analyze issues. I am always looking for the right answers to my questions and find myself constantly risk managing decisions. This is where good worrying enters. It motivates me. When I work harder to succeed, when I am truly aware of controlling my emotional worry, when I move forward with unyielding determination and focus… I successfully get out of my way and leave my comfort zone. Worrying drives me with a sense of urgency.

I lead by creating change; I achieve by positive action; I am fulfilled by having a sense of purpose.

So what’s the big “Secret of Life” here?

Write down what you are worrying about. List your worries large and small and track them for a year. My prediction is that none of those important worries from a year ago will be on your mind a year later. Whatever we are worrying about today is the most important thing in our life but where will these worries be a year from now? 99%of these worries will never happen.

We need confidence… better yet faith, that what we finish will turn out OK. My personal experience is more extreme. From the worst experiences in my life, from my deepest despair and worry, the very best results have ultimately prevailed. Repeatedly, life has turned out better than I have planned, better than I have worried.

What is unhealthy is to feel sorry for ourselves when our lives are turned upside down. Instead we need to confront our anxiety, fear, worry, and initiate action to meet the bumps in the road. In April of 2009, at one of the most challenging moments in my business career, I spoke intimately with two of my trusted advisors. I said to one, “K, I am worried about the business” and he replied, “Create Plan ‘B’”. Simple and direct. Stop worrying and take action.

My other advisor met me for lunch and when he recognized my sorry state of worry we proceeded to drink large quantities of wine. At the end of lunch “B” said to me, “This is just a giant, deep pothole in your journey... Look beyond this pothole in the road… You have to see that you will come out the other side.”

Exactly one year later (2010) all of those insurmountable worries were not on the list. Quiet the mind, take action, and have faith that whatever action we complete, whatever responsibility we fulfill will turn out better than we could have planned.

So, why worry?

Show Me Don't Tell Me

My Dad died. For the past three weeks I have been totally immersed in the emotional experience of life’s natural cycle… the passing of my last living Parent. For me it was loss of unconditional love, a Dad I affectionately and respectfully called “Boss”. The “Boss” was a sweet, gentle man who was a strong and wise teacher. Our relationship was always intimate and allowed my father to easily pass on to me… a willing and open student… many of his “Secrets of Life”. In honoring his journey, I wish to share with you my most valuable inheritance from Joseph J. Rothman.

My Dad was first and foremost a “Mensch”. He believed at his core that the most important value in life was to be a “Mensch”. I can best define a “Mensch” as a true, responsible human being with integrity. He taught me many lessons about how to deal with the ups and downs of life, about taking action “By the Numbers”, but the most important lesson he drilled into me… my Dad had been a master Sergeant in the US Army so he knew how to drill you… was “Show Me Don’t Tell Me”. He would stand tall, cup his hands and thrust them out at me and say, “Son, show me, don’t tell me”. It was a powerful teaching of accountability and perseverance… but more importantly it was his way of teaching me integrity.

“Show Me Don’t Tell Me” is “Walk the Talk”. And as a dear friend from Hong Kong described it… “Integrity of Tongue”. In life we must do what we say we are going to do. Our words need to take on a life of their own thru committed action. Who are we if we don’t honor our own voice with integrity… with honesty in carrying out our promises, our intentions?

If we analyze “Show Me Don’t Tell Me”… we see the depth and richness of this basic teaching. Several connecting lessons and life forces that flow through this simple, laser focused concept… awareness, accountability, and perseverance.

Awareness is being mindful before we speak. Thoughtfulness in the moment will bring clarity to our words, to our promised intentions.

Accountability drives positive action. If we say we are going to do something, than we must hold ourselves accountable to our words… responsible for our own voice. The more we discipline ourselves to be accountable for what comes out of our mouths… the more success, contentment, fulfillment, and integrity we create.

But awareness and accountability of what we say are only as effective as our willingness to persevere. If we can’t “Walk the Talk” or better yet survive with dignity and faith at what life throws at us, then we are not truly willing to hang in there to make it happen. Either we persevere or we betray our own voice.

My wise 92 year old Dad spent over four years, yes four years, on the front lines in Europe during WWII fighting daily for his life and the many men whose lives he was accountable for. As a fighting group they needed to be aware… Zig when they were required to zig and zag when the needed to zag. As a team they were totally accountable and bonded to each other for survival… and if they didn’t have the strength and commitment to persevere they put each other’s lives in jeopardy.

No wonder my Dad, my “Boss”, the Sarge, drilled into me the importance of “Show Me Don’t Tell Me”. It was core to his existence; it was his personal experienced “Secret of Life” to pass on to me, his son.






Dad at 92- dancing in the kitchen with his favorite Daughter-In-Law, Susan

“Fear Funk”

Why are we so afraid? What does fear do to us? Fear paralyzes us. It freezes our action, it distorts our thinking with negativity, it attracts and amplifies problems and is the black hole of energy … fear simply sucks! It sucks the life, the success, the momentum from accomplishing our goals, from reaching our aspirations. Fear sucks our energy; fear gets in the way of everything. So why do we allow ourselves to be afraid? And what are the “Secrets of Life” we need to apply to overcome our fears?


When I grow fearful it generally centers around uncertainty, yet let’s not confuse this with change. Somehow my personal nature loves change. I have almost an addiction to constant change … to the next new experience. My fears are more rooted in faith, in belief. When I don’t truly believe, I don’t fully commit. Without an unyielding commitment to action … I get in my own way. I screw it up for myself because I hold back, I doubt myself, act inconsistently, indulge in self pity, lower my personal standards, and even give off nervous or bad vibes. So how do I break the cycle of the “fear funk”?


Fear is usually about loss or potential loss. It’s most basic underlying primal emotion is the fear of not surviving.


The first action I embrace is acknowledging and examining my fear. It is an awareness thing. The more conscious I am, the more I peel it back, the easier it is to determine my worst case scenario. As soon as I clearly understand my worst case scenario and believe that no matter what, I will survive … that my life is not threatened … my rational thinking begins to defeat my irrational thoughts. I am now free to fully focus my energy on overcoming my fears.


My next “secret” is to hold myself accountable to taking control over my own life. I need a plan of action. I have to be proactive instead of reactive. For me to break out of the “fear funk” I need to write a detailed plan and commit with unyielding determination. As I take action and feel like I am doing what I need to be doing moment by moment, I begin to rebuild my faith, my belief that the future will be what I envision.


I have learned over the past few decades that the more mindful I am; the more time I spend in the present moment, the faster I overcome my “fear funk”. How do I break the paralysis of fear and participate in the moment?


Just breathe! That’s right … deep breathing like an opera singer, from deep in the bottom of my diaphragm. When this focused breathing is accompanied by a conscious awareness of following each breath I become centered in the moment. Mindful breathing changes my physiology. Changing my physiology changes my psychology or mood. I am grateful to my yoga instructor who during the depths of the global financial crisis focused me on practicing my breathing to calm and balance myself. Check it out … in my opinion learning to breathe is a more effective and less expensive “Secret of Life” to combat fear than alcohol, drugs or therapy.


Fear is integral to life but if we turn it on its side it can be motivating force, an opportunity to commit our positive energy to personal growth and belief in ourselves.


How do you overcome your fears?

Mentoring: The Gift of Knowledge

When we are open minded, and are fortunate to possess a certain level of personal awareness, life provides us with a constant flow of learning experiences. It can be as powerful as an epiphany or as subtle as a coincidence; it can come from formal training or from a simple event. Many of these learning experiences include an interaction with another human being. We have teachers, coaches, bosses, parents, friends, and even strangers gift us knowledge. At almost every turn in our journey, life is full of interpersonal learning on all levels.


Rarely, and sometimes never, we get lucky and find a true mentor. I define mentoring as a natural, personal relationship with a more experienced, wiser individual that transfers knowledge informally over a period of time. This wise man/woman called “Mentor” has no personal agenda other than to promote the development of their protégé or mentee. When this student/teacher relationship happens naturally, it is magic…It is a gift from the heavens.


Most people never experience true mentoring. It is one of the more elusive “Secrets of Life”. The ideal mentor/mentee relationship begins subtly, almost accidentally, and over time gradually ends that way as well. It is difficult to search out but is almost sure never to happen if you are not open and looking to learn from someone who has knowledge you desire. My simplest explanation is “It is a chemistry-energy thing”. You find yourself attracted to an individual you admire.


In most mentor/mentee relationships it is an older individual sharing with a younger protégé. But in my personal journey I have had two mentors that were a few years younger than me, three mentors that were much older and one special friendship that started out as me mentoring someone 15 years younger and ended upside down with my mentee becoming my mentor. All of these wonderful learning experiences have provided me quantum leaps of personal growth. When the stars align, a true mentor provides short cuts to life’s success thru knowledge transfer.


One of my late mentors, Lenny Zakim, was also one of my hero’s. He taught me to always be over-prepared, to be laser focused on a clear vision, to create and demand the highest standards of achievement, but most important of all… to make a positive difference in the lives I touch. The most amazing dimension about this special hero, mentor, and friendship was how much fun we had together. As demanding as Lenny was about everything he did and expected from everyone around him, he was equally as passionate about every friendship and mission that encompassed his life.


Mentoring is a pure, no strings attached gift to the receiver and a privileged opportunity for the giver. Life’s path is powerfully altered by the kindness and wisdom of mentoring. Look… but not too forcibly, and you may find your mentor or possibly your mentee.


Does anyone wish to share their experience with mentoring?

Guanxi

Susan and I have been on an extremely fast paced trip visiting Hong Kong, Shenzhen, Taipei, and Singapore all in one week. Asia and especially Greater China is inspiring. The mood is highly positive, the energy off the charts, time is measured in 15 minute segments, and business is focused on results. The purpose of our journey to Asia is to extend, renew, and energize our Guanxi.

Guanxi is a fascinating “Secret of Life”. It is a Chinese concept of the power of relationships. Guanxi can best be defined as personalized networks of influence. It is the art of networking on a higher level, described in the Chinese world as a social currency based on traditional values of loyalty, accountability and obligation. Guanxi is your personal power of deep relationships that inform, educate and assist with access and connections. Why Guanxi?

“No man (woman) is an island entire of itself”. Life is about people, friends, family, community….it is about relationships. We need each other to survive, to thrive. The greater our network of interested, committed friends and family…the more powerful our Guanxi. In order to nurture our Guanxi we need to be “thoughtful”. We must take every opportunity to be generous of heart, to teach, give, support, love, do a good deed for someone without any immediate reciprocal expectation. This will build our personal Guanxi. I have often described this concept as “The Favor Bank”. Just keep depositing favors in the favor bank; it makes your life richer. Who knows, maybe someday when you really need help with something important, you may be able to make a withdrawal.

One of my most admired mentors, Bobby Sager, is an expert on Guanxi. He has spent his entire life networking globally with the world’s most evolved, talented, and powerful people. His Guanxi includes spiritual leaders such as the Dali Lama and Nelson Mandela, political leaders like Bill Clinton and several presidents and royal family members of African and Middle Eastern countries; athletes like Bill Russell and Bobby Orr; and even talented Rock Stars including Sting and Lady Gaga. He runs around the globe like it’s a little village, being thoughtful, doing good deeds, building powerful Guanxi. Bobby is totally focused on leveraging his network, his Guanxi to make this world a better place to live, learn, and grow.

In my life, I am blessed with the Guanxi of a community called Hearts On Fire. We are thousands strong, live in over 34 countries and share the same vision of making a positive difference in the lives we touch. Hearts On Fire is a global diamond jewelry brand that provides “Ultimate Recognition” for those perfect moments in people’s lives… what a wonderful mission. All of us at Hearts On Fire share in and contribute to the love, happiness, and celebration of Hearts On Fire owners. Many of these passionate, happy people become part of our extended Guanxi, adding to the power of our community. Guanxi is family…Guanxi is networks and social currency…Guanxi is a powerful “Secret of Life”.

Always Be Learning

Learn something new every day. We all eat, drink, breathe, sleep, move every day… Shouldn’t we be learning something new every day? If we are not learning, changing, and expanding as we travel through our personal journeys… Aren’t we contracting, shrinking, or even diminishing our lives? Learning is a priority, it drives personal opportunity… learning is a positive zone. A lifetime focus on learning is a powerful “Secret of Life”.

Learning involves discovery, change, and action. When we leave our comfort zone and move into our learning zone our lives become richer. We open ourselves to expanded opportunities, explore new ideas, and fuel our passion for life. The more we learn the more we earn, the more we learn the more we win, the more we learn the more we grow.

Learning means making mistakes, it means continuous practice. Learning requires doing things that we may not have done before, things we probably won’t be very good at the first time around. But if we only do what we already know how to do, then we won’t learn anything new.

In order to fully embrace learning we absolutely need to push our personal boundaries and get out of our comfort zone. Today I am high in the mountains of Utah enjoying a sunny beautiful day in a heavenly ski resort called Deer Valley… learning how to improve my snow skiing skills. It can be scary on top of a mountain. Not only does skiing require practice and pushing myself out of my comfort zone… I fall down.

In life if we don’t fall down we are not pushing ourselves, exploring unknown territory, overcoming our fears and learning something valuable. On the challenging ski slopes, I fall down and pick myself up… In dealing with the challenges and difficulties of life… I fall down and pick myself up. If I am too cautious, too careful, too afraid of something new and difficult, some situation I have not mastered before….I don’t really learn anything new.

We all need to forgive ourselves for our mistakes, for falling down, because without mistakes and practice we aren’t doing enough to learn. Learning demands action. It requires actually doing something. Learning means tackling the hard work of making something happen. In order to master a skill, become an Olympic star; achieve expert recognition in your field…. Life necessitates much more than grand dreams and inspired aspirations. According to the world renowned author on success, Malcolm Gladwell, it requires 10,000 hours of practice. 10,000 hours of repetitive action, of hard work is a long time to achieve greatness. That is why we need to start now and… always be learning.

Please share with me your thoughts, emotions, and questions about The Secrets of Life. Is anybody out there?

Positive Mindset

The most powerful force that affects our lives is the power of our mindset. The most powerful force that determines our happiness, our emotional state, our spiritual being, is the intensity of our attitude….our mindset. When we are positive of mind and spirit, when we generate positive energy, we attract positive outcomes. Negative thoughts, fear, and worry generate limited if not poor results. Negative mindset attracts failure. It is the “black hole” of energy that sucks the life out of us and those around us.

We are what we think about. If we believe in ourselves, believe in what we do, believe in our personal vision of life with unyielding determination…..we succeed. Winners believe!

Our mindset, our attitude determines what we believe and how strongly we believe it. We can’t truly fool our internal belief system by attempting to convince ourselves of something we know intuitively isn’t right. Negotiating with ourselves is always a losing proposition. We need to get out of our own way, overcome our fears, and silence the negative noise between our ears. The more positive our mindset, the more passionate we are about our lives….the happier we are in the moment. The fascinating and rewarding result of a positive mindset is that it builds on itself. Positive energy, positive vibes, positive ideas, attract positive outcomes and yield outstanding results. It is our perspective of life, the lens that we view everything with that determines whether we see obstacles or opportunities; whether we ask ourselves “why” or “why not”; whether we decide “can” or “can not”. Our mindset makes all the difference in our perception of who we are, where we are going, and if we will be successful and happy along the way.

When I get stuck in a “funk” and can’t get out of my own way, I move my body. Changing my physiology changes my psychology. And it works! Motion will positively affect emotion. At Hearts On Fire Company we combine both motion and sound to positively influence our mindset. We ring bells! Yes, when a successful sale is achieved, we celebrate by ringing bells and cheering. It’s fun! Imagine the benefits and positive power of ringing bells and cheering in a working atmosphere and how it fuels a passionate culture.

Changing our mindset is unique to each of us. The key is to recognize what works and use it. What works for you? Can you share with us one of your secrets of building and maintaining a positive attitude and mindset?