Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Secret Recipe for Romance

Exactly two weeks ago Susan and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. It was off the charts amazing! Imagine the setting… dinner for two outside under the stars, on a private terrace overlooking a waterfall surrounded by candles, flowers, and the sound of our personal music that has accompanied our 35 years of perfect moments. We experienced a uniquely orchestrated Japanese dinner of special appetizers, special sashimi and sushi, special fruit, and of course special champagne and a special sake called “Divine Droplets”. Yes… special, special, special… ahhh, special! Our skilled master sushi chef created what can only be described as art. Our intimate, romantic experience encompassed a perfect evening that lasted over five wonderful hours. It was a dream. We created memories and reflected on memories of our lifetime of adventure. We danced, we hugged, we kissed. We felt the richness of our lives and the depth of our love. It was a beautiful thing.

How, after all these years can we love so deeply, can our romance feel so intensely? Why do I, when asked about my life, immediately and without hesitation say… “The best thing that has happened to me in my life is my marriage”? Romance is truly one of the more personal “Secrets of Life”.

I am not claiming a unique recipe that we can mix together creating a magical formula for romance…. Frankly, every day of our 35 year marriage has not been perfect. We have our ups and downs, successes and failures, excitement and boredom.

During these 35 years we have confronted our share of challenges, yet overcoming and understanding our bumps in the road has only made our romance stronger. We have grown much closer together instead of apart. Our relationship, our understanding, even our passion has evolved to new heights.

OK, enough already with all this mushy stuff! How did we end up more passionate, more in love than our beginnings? The first ingredient in the “Secret Recipe” of romance is "respect". We respect each other’s differences and in many ways honor them. I love Susan for who she is and Susan loves me for who I am. We are extraordinarily different. Susan loves the mornings and is in constant motion. I embrace the afternoons/evenings and can be still for hours. Susan excels at details; I adopt the big picture. Susan executes, I dream. Our differences make us stronger, even synergistic, because we respect and nurture them. We play to each other’s strengths and have learned to rely on compensating for each other’s weaknesses. Our romance is a true partnership.

Partners don’t ever compete. Ingredient #2 in the romance formula is “never compete with each other”. One person always loses. Losing is not romantic. Romance is all about embracing the moment in unison… not winning or losing. Create your life with your significant other that includes separate responsibilities for daily tasks, and don’t manage, compete or interfere in each other’s jobs without an invitation. Second guessing each other is not the definition of trust. Will your romantic partner do it differently than you? Most likely yes! So What!!!

Ingredient #3 and possibly the most powerful element in romance is “be thoughtful”. Being “thoughtful” is about recognition, acknowledgement, and surprise in a relationship. It is about making your partner feel unique, special, and good about themselves. It is stopping and celebrating perfect moments, accomplishments, and major milestones. The advanced art of romance is finding these “thoughtful” connections in everyday activities… in sharing together a smile, a touch… including each other in a spontaneous moment, and recognizing as a couple the joy and contentment in the ordinary and the magic of the extraordinary.

What would a recipe of romance be without a secret ingredient? The secret sauce, the spice that takes our romance to exceptional heights is “intimacy”. Intimacy is being the best of friends! It is a feeling of closeness, of total trust, fulfillment, and of complete acceptance of each other’s differences. It is a very safe place with no secrets, complete commitment, absolute truth, kindness, laughter, and openness to unselfishly sharing thoughts and feelings. It’s a place to have fun and fall in love over and over again. It is vitally important to keep the magic, the sparkle in romance by finding every opportunity to express your deepest emotion. A gentle, sweet kiss, a passionate hug, an unexpected “I love you”, a warm snuggle adds a dimension to our lives that brings completeness.

Romance is one of the most challenging “Secrets of Life” because it takes two souls, two loving and committed partners to achieve success. I know this blog is long but if you can hang in there for just one more suggestion… “schedule romance”!!! Yes, take turns scheduling a night, a weekend, a surprise moment… and don’t stand on ceremony or principal. If your partner misses a turn just schedule another, and another if necessary. It is truly a powerful “Secret of Life” to pursue, nurture, and value romance.

How do you create romance in your life? Is anybody out there that can share a romantic moment? Your personal comment will make us all feel connected.


  1. Congratulations to you both! I think the key word in your question, "How do you create romance in your life?", is "create". If you don't continuously create the romance it can fade away. Like some other things in life, we get it to a good point then expect it to go on "automatic" then later turnaround and wonder what happened. Usually we just stopped creating.

  2. Thank you for your comment Gary... You are exactly right... If you are on autopilot for too long then you are bound to veer off the road and get lost... It is very important to always bring new magic into the relationship.

  3. Your and Susan's journey together is truly inspiring. To 35 more years of creating and enjoying life together ! Happy belated Anniversary and for sharing your inspiring thoughts.


  4. Thanks Susan! All the best to you as well, Glenn

  5. It is the little things in a relationship that matter as much as anything else. I firmly believe that belief in one anothers love for each other instills trust and confidence. That confidence is appealing and in turn inspires new ways to show each other how much you care for the one you love.

    I am constantly amazed by the high degree of exuberance and energy that my wife shows towards how much she values our relationship. I also see how she nurtures the relationship she has with friends and family. They are the essence of who we are and how we came to be the person we are..so why wouldn't you take care of that.

    Her dedication to this aspect of her life and the passion she throws in to all that she does drive me on to new heights. This in turn makes even some of the more significant things I do to show her how much I appreciate her not difficult at all... in fact they are a labour of love....

    Thank you for sharing yourself with us...


  6. Thank you for sharing your sweet comment. Confidence, passion, exuberence, and appreciating the little things are all secrets to successful romance. I wish you continued happiness in love,


  7. Hi Glenn and Susan,
    Thank you for sharing your stories, I just attended HOF University and thank you so much for the opportunity as this was my first time and it was amazing. I will always remember Susan's opening speech as her passion for you, HOF and life filled the room, but when the two of you were on stage together I felt the strong connected respectful passionate bond that you to share. Thank you for that emotional WOW that will forever embrace me.
    Penny Velez
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  8. This post is particularly timely for me as I recently got married AND we just found out we're expecting our first child. It's really fantastic and helpful to read these insights from someone who's successfully shared 35 years with their spouse. We'll absolutely be sure to "schedule romance", especially as our lives become more and more busy.

    Thank you for sharing your secret recipe for romance. I wish you many more happy years together!