Listening

As Mother’s Day is almost upon us, I thought to write about my mom, Shirley, who was a master in the art of listening. Her amazing skill was natural and may have been her single greatest creative talent. Shirley listened with her entire being… with her ears, eyes, body… with her soul. She listened with patience and empathy; with intuition, and most importantly, without judgment. Her ability to literally “feel” what people were saying was a magnetic force that attracted friends, family and even strangers to the comfort that her presence brought them.

It wasn't her wisdom, nor was it her advice that attracted people… she rarely offered either one. It was Shirley’s “in the moment”, concentrated listening that encouraged an outpouring from whomever she was engaged with. When we are truly listened to, it encourages us… allows us, to unfold and expand. Simply put… it makes us feel good and naturally comfortable.

What were some of the Secrets of my Mom’s ability as a master listener? First, and maybe most importantly, the secret is simply “silence”.  Sincere listening requires us to quiet the mind, be peaceful, and totally in the moment without any predetermined attitude, and without judgment. Our focus is entirely on the other person, with no distractions; easy but direct eye contact, and a heightened awareness of body language. Communication experts estimate that as much as 80% of a speaker’s communication is non-verbal, and that body language… notably the eyes, facial expression, breathing, and posture, can speak volumes. This physical state of the speaker is as important, if not more so, than the spoken word. Sometimes, even with no words at all, feeling can be conveyed with a single glance. It is this instinctive interpretation of emotion and attitude that can be quite different than the words we hear. The more we develop a better awareness of non-verbal communication, the better listeners we become.

I often say that “we should listen carefully for what people are not saying”. Practicing this discipline adds an awareness and skill to the active listening process. This practice helps us understand how people really feel. Words alone, especially emotional words, rarely reflect the true meaning of the spoken word.

Awareness of body language is instrumental to listening deeply, and while providing enormous insight, there is much more to becoming a master listener. In order to correctly internalize true meaning and avoid misperceptions, a great listener is silent 80% of the time and asks clarifying questions about 20% of the time.  Good questions bring the topic into sharper focus and prompt the speaker to clarify their thoughts while verifying the listener’s perceptions. It summarizes by pulling ideas, facts and feelings together, confirming one truly understands what is being said or communicated.

My dear Mom, Shirley, was really good at this role of listening. She would seamlessly act as a mirror reflecting back to the speaker what she thought she heard… asking simple questions, repeating the speaker’s own words, nodding her head, leaning in and connecting with deep empathy. It was magic. It was an act of love. Conscious, focused, empathetic listening is a powerful “Secret of Life”.

“It is much more important to be interested than to be interesting.”                              

 – Jane Fonda

Personal Initiative

Do you create your life, or does life just happen to you?   Are you proactive or reactive?  Are you willing, motivated, and self-aware to take responsibility for your time on this planet?

Every day we wake up and face a day of choices.  We can choose to procrastinate, to worry, or be fearful.  We can choose indecisiveness or mediocrity.  Or….we can take control of the moment and make things happen. We are all human beings with free will…..we have the ability to control our behavior and our mindset. Each of us has the capacity to choose our thoughts, our emotions, and our beliefs. We have the power to take responsibility for our destiny.

With all that we have been blessed with…. free will, creative thought and belief, many of us don’t bother to take responsibility for directing our lives. Most people think reactively. They automatically react to daily stimuli; to whatever life throws at them. Instead of taking initiative and making things happen, they generally stay within their comfort zones.

Habit and fear keep those reactives from the risk of going “above and beyond”.  Devoid of proactive action….without energy and effort in taking personal responsibility to create a journey of happiness and achievement, life just happens!  The reactives “go with the flow”…wherever the flow takes them.

A proactive knows that one of the “Secrets of Life” is to nurture a habit of personal initiative. By applying willpower and creative imagination, we can successfully engineer our lives. We can choose our path based on our individual core values, our self-awareness… and most importantly, our ultimate life goals.

Exactly what is personal initiative? Simply, it is recognizing what needs to be done and then doing it or even more, without being told. It is using our imagination to problem solve; to perform a service of value to others; to take action outside of our comfort zone.  Practicing the habit of personal initiative takes us closer to achieving our goals and purpose in life without the expectation of acknowledgement or reward.  Every day whether at work, play or while going about our daily routine, we come face to face with opportunities to render additional service that might contribute in some small way to improve the lives we touch.  Every day, by taking personal initiative and a proactive approach, we have the opportunity to make a positive difference.

Taking personal initiative is not only being proactive… it can also be a “Labor of Love”.   This “Labor of Love” not only generates positive energy, it also brings the intrinsic reward of passion and joy. When we live a life of personal initiative, our “above and beyond” efforts produce positive results and afford us the choice of creating a life with intention and purpose. Personal Initiative is a “Secret of Life” that is fundamental to realizing and creating our future.  So….are you ready to create your life, or will life just happen to you? 

Believe

Winners believe!!

Winners believe in themselves….in what they do. Belief drives passion… passion for a definite purpose. If we believe in ourselves, believe in our personal vision with unyielding determination, we succeed.

 “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe… it can achieve.”                     – Napoleon Hill

One of the important lessons I have learned from decades of experiencing the cycles of life is that how we view the world is all in our minds. If we think we “can’t”….then we “can’t”. If we only “try”, then we are not fully committed and leave the door open for failure. Our lives become what we truly believe, and what we believe creates our lives.

 I believe….. first in my marriage, and have the best marriage of anyone I know. I believe…. in myself (sometimes less than perfect,) and have developed strong self confidence. Self confidence attracts others… it’s contagious.

We all need cooperation…..even the love of others, to achieve our aspirations. If we aspire to greatness or “BHAGS” (Big Hairy Audacious Goals), then we need to not only believe in ourselves, but believe in our family, friends, teammates, partners…..even the greater cosmic forces. For me personally, I believe that I get out of life what I put into it… that I have the power to realize my dreams through focused, leveraged effort based on integrity of action. My daily challenge is to maintain a positive mental attitude and fuel a positive mindset when I feel out of the “zone” or in a “funk”. I know that I am “what I think about”, and that negative emotions attract negative results, while positive thoughts generate positive outcomes.

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford 

So, how to create this kind of personal belief? How does one access this “Secret of Life”?

For me, I see this accomplished by building self confidence through a five step practice.

1. First, we have to fully believe in our personal ability to achieve our aspirations.

2. We must then demand of ourselves the discipline of persistent, aggressive action towards our goal.

3. We must constantly fight to shut out all negative thoughts, doubts, vibes…..leaving room in our minds for only absolute certainty of attainment.

4. We have to develop the habit of positive energy by visualizing and repeatedly practicing positive, dominant thoughts…..thoughts that gradually transform themselves into reality.

5. Finally, our definite purpose, our goals, must make a positive difference in all the lives they touch. Action that builds self confidence and ultimately success, must be built on integrity and benefit all whom it effects.

We all have the internal power to achieve our goals. It’s just a decision….a decision to commit with unyielding determination. Ultimately, the best way to release this personal power is to “believe” in ourselves. 

“Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man, but soon or late the man who wins, is the man who believes he can.” – Walter Wintle

“Believe”! It is a powerful “Secret of Life”.

Learn to Write

The written word is powerful.

When I sit down to write, it forces me to think… to reflect… to focus on ideas and insights that are waiting to come to me.  I find writing is a creative release of what was often not accessible to my noisy,  thinking mind. I write to think, to hold myself accountable… to let my insights flow. Writing is a hugely powerful way to focus my attention, to keep track of life, communicate my emotions, nurture relationships and much more.

So why are we witnessing the rapid loss of this, “Secret of Life”?  In this day and age, people tend to communicate cryptically; in short hand with little practice in the art of the written word. Writing skills are just not deemed important in this electronic age. Sometimes I wonder if we are no longer teaching our children the value of being able to put thoughts and ideas into a coherent, well written form. Working daily with professionals in their 20’s and 30’s, I’m often frustrated at the overall lack of creative writing power. Many believe they have the skill; few actually have developed the discipline.

Think about how we improve our lives by making lists. What would we do without our lists? We would be lost. Just the act of writing it down organizes us.  One of the simplest forms of improving  memory retention, taking notes, creates a permanent clear record of what would otherwise be a vague recollection of thoughts about a particular moment in our life. How many times have you heard “Did you get it in writing?” for a business deal?  Without the written document, people often remember the transaction differently months, even days later.

Whether in our personal or professional lives many decisions involve making complex choices. To fully understand the complexity of an issue as well as the various solutions, we must write it down, whether electronically or in old fashion long hand.   There is no way we can effectively solve problems without data and the focus of the written word.

Writing it down can change our lives. One of the most insightful “Secrets of Life” I have learned is writing down my goals. I truly believe that 50% of accomplishing our goals in life is writing them down… and when you combine written goals with a laser like focus, you create personal vision.

Learn to write… it is a process of self-observation… a form of creativity that surfaces the answers… it makes the invisible visible… it is a vital “Secret of Life”. 

Getting Out of Your Own Way

Ever wonder why we undermine ourselves with the negative assumption that we can’t accomplish something…or why we negotiate against ourselves and allow paralyzing fear to keep us from living our dreams? Why…because we’re stuck! We hold ourselves back from creating a successful future and deny ourselves achieving our true potential. Simply put… “We get in our own way”!

“Getting in our own way” begins with lack of belief and lack of faith in our ability to accomplish our dreams. We think too much… we strategize, we analyze… we doubt and then we hesitate. Instead of fully embracing a plan of action, we allow those negative conversations in our head to create excuses. So, what should we do to overcome our resistance?? ……Stop thinking so much and start acting! Action…repetitive focused action, builds positive momentum towards achieving measureable, satisfying goals.

We accomplish nothing until we act. It doesn’t have to be a perfect plan in order to passionately commit. We can always fix it, tweak it, and refine it along the way. Most important is that once we commit, there should be no room for doubt. There is only room for “unyielding determination”… for perseverance… for dogged intensity. There can be no stopping, no succumbing to resistance… we just need to get out of our own way and believe.

Anything and everything is possible. The spectacular 2012 Summer Olympics in London are happening as I write this blog. And what do we see? Passionate, super human effort smashing world records by young, intense, over prepared athletes. The awe inspiring performances of these highly skilled athletes is proof…complete confirmation, that focused action towards a goal executed with passion, unyielding faith and determination, creates powerful, measureable results. The Olympic athletes have learned to overcome their fears, train incessantly smart and “get out of their own way”. They are all winners.

Winners believe. Winners believe in themselves, they believe in what they passionately commit themselves to. They work harder, achieve more and are totally driven toward their goals. Winners take responsibility for their actions and don’t assess blame. They accept setbacks and failures along the way only to pick themselves up, keep on going, and not look back. Olympians are pinnacle role models for overcoming resistance through intense repetitive action, tenacious resolve, positive attitude and passionate purpose. These 17 days of the Olympic Games are testament to “best in world” athletes who so profoundly understand the value of “getting out of your own way” as one of the insightful “Secrets of Life”.

Dare to Dream

Last Friday, I had the privilege of attending Northeastern University’s Graduation Ceremony at the Boston Garden. The arena was filled with over 4,000 energized graduating students and 20,000+ guests. The atmosphere was one of joy and anticipation. Students were both proud and relieved to have completed their undergrad studies and receive their coveted diploma. Yet their joy and excitement in reaching this important milestone was mixed with anxious anticipation of their unknown future. It was up front and immediate….it was right before their eyes. Who would they be when they grow up? What did life have in store for each of them?

In those electrified few hours of the graduation ceremony, the love and pride of family and friends was palpable... you could feel the positive energy in the air. These graduates were ready and eager to dream. It could be best described as…… a “Perfect Moment”.

I had never been to a big University graduation before (I forgot to show up at my own), and found the experience profoundly inspiring. All of the honored speakers encouraged the students to create their futures…to never stop learning; to venture into areas unknown and not be afraid. They challenged all of us to dream, to create our own vision… to aspire to greatness.

Aspiring to greatness is an essential “Secret of Life”. Our inspirations…our dreams, are as important as the air we breathe….they are vital to life. Aspirations drive us in a direction to become better than ourselves. When we aspire and fully commit to a goal or a vision, we achieve. Our aspirations are clearly our goals. And our goals are simply our dreams with measurable results connected to a timeline. A dream without a measurable action plan and definitive deadline is just a “wish”. And the difference between a dream and a wish is everything in determining quality of life.

Why bother aspiring to mere mediocrity? Why wish our way through life? Why settle for less? In order to create our futures….to move forward in life, we need to expand, grow, and extend beyond our boundaries. We need to focus our personal will to become better, to become more! We need to aspire to greatness.

Where I work, at the Hearts On Fire Brand, we called them “BHAGs” (big, hairy, audacious goals). All of us at Hearts On Fire aspire to be “Best in World” at what we do. Aspiring to be “Best” creates passion for our vision and keeps us motivated towards action. We hold ourselves and our teammates accountable to measurable goals… accountable to our BHAGs.

At Hearts On Fire, when we are in the “Zone”, it’s a beautiful thing. I often describe it like dancing in a complex and demanding ballet. With a single vision of perfect execution, the dancers (team) dance toward the crescendo… the finish….the deadline. The dance… the activity….the project, creates art and accomplishment. It generates a magical momentum of movement.

Our aspirations and our dreams in many ways determine who we are and how we encounter life. Deciding to re-set or better yet, re-create our aspirations, sets us in motion to positively influence and change the quality of our lives. So, dare to dream! Dream dreams that no one before has dared to imagine. Commit with unyielding determination to a dream bigger than what you already know or know how to do, and you will surely create a life of adventure and achievement.

                                
   Northeastern University Commencement Ceremony at The Boston Garden, May 2012

The Power of Bruce Springsteen (Music Transforms)

Every time I see Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band I am transported to another world. It doesn’t matter what my mindset is… stressed or ready to party… Bruce and the Band generate musical energy that restores my soul. For three emotional hours I am lost in a spiritual experience… a mini vacation from daily life. I dance the entire time….I sing with total abandonment….. my heart is clearly on fire! I have purposely jumped into a deep pool of pure joy.

In these perfect moments of musical bliss I am connected communally with almost 20,000 fans. Together we create mind boggling energy, orchestrated by our indefatigable minister of rock and roll… Bruuuuce! We are all sharing a spiritual moment… a perfect moment of harmonious FUN. All 20,000 of us are collectively bonding. We are experiencing one of the most dramatic effects of Bruce and the E Street Band… the music’s power to induce an almost trance-like state. Bruce (music) has the power to transport us into the “Zone”.

Every culture throughout man’s recorded and unrecorded history has generated music-induced trance-like states. It is often ecstatic singing, dancing, rhythmic rocking, and the powerful beating of drums that breeds excitement and connectiveness in the participating community….it’s primal. Humanity has been singing, dancing, and praying together for a hundred thousand years. It is a basic, intrinsic “Secret of Life” similar to a deep meditation that can alter our individual and collective states of consciousness.

Today, just like the last hundred thousand years, the communal celebration of a Bruce Springsteen concert has the musical power to bond people together…..to unify an audience into one giant living, breathing, singing organism. Now, that’s what I call synergy!
When a group of individuals are connected with purpose and passion through the power of music, the music transports us… it elevates and changes our emotions… it resonates and restores memories.

Springsteen’s legendary song “Thunder Road” is so vividly imprinted on my emotional brain that it literally brings me to tears. It is the deeply ingrained memory of being a pall bearer at my dear friend, Lenny Zakim’s funeral 12 years ago. That highly charged emotional day, six close friends carried Lenny out of the Temple sanctuary to Bruce singing “Thunder Road”. It was powerful…..and a moment in time that is forever etched in my soul. The minute I hear “Thunder Road", it triggers that deeply rooted memory to the extent that I actually feel like I’m uniting with my friend in the present moment……reaching across the great divide between the earthly and spiritual worlds, feeling my lost, departed friend… now, how powerful is that?!? When Bruce sings “Thunder Road” live with 20,000 voices joining in, I am transformed by emotion and transported to another dimension. The power of music is truly a primal and most valued “Secret of Life”.

Showing Up

If you’re a fan of old Woody Allen movies, you’ve most likely heard one of his more famous lines…. that “80% of success in life is showing up!” As simple as that sounds, just think where we would all be if we didn’t bother to… show up?! The reality is that nothing actually happens until we commit to physically and mentally taking action. The first and most important thing we do in accomplishing anything in life is to just show up. The second most important thing is to actually do something. When we take action, we set ourselves in motion and everything changes… we make stuff happen, and in the best of circumstances, we can even create the magic of momentum.

There is enormous value in a mindset that prioritizes showing up as an important “Secret of Life”. Because in life, it’s impossible to always predict what will happen, who we might meet along the way….or how an experience might affect our future. My own most life-changing example…..showing up on Memorial Day weekend 1973 in Birmingham, Alabama to visit my best college buddy... If I hadn’t traveled that weekend I would never have met my sweetheart Susan, my soul mate and life partner. I can’t imagine how different my life would have been if I had decided to stay home and spend the weekend on the couch. Surely there are many stories like this out there. It sounds so simple…so painfully obvious, but how often do we opt out of showing up because of fear of the unknown or just pure laziness. When we put ourselves in new and/or sometimes scary places, we learn… we expand… we grow out of our comfort zones, and good stuff happens. When we show up, we set ourselves up to meet interesting people, add exciting experiences to our knowledge base, gain insight, and build a diversified view of our world.

For me, I value showing up as an adventure. Susan and I are blessed to travel the globe….see beautiful places and best of all, meet extraordinary people who are often doing amazing things.
Showing up in strange places, being open to spontaneity, or finding ourselves in unpredictable environments can actually be exhilarating. Those unexpected, intense experiences are often our most “Perfect Moments” in life.

Life can be challenging, and not always as simple as just showing up. One of the “Secrets of Life” is how we show up. For me, I maintain a personal discipline of being over-prepared and doing my utmost to stay true to doing what I say I’m going to do. As much as I am addicted to spontaneity, I’m not comfortable with “winging it”…..for me it’s about anticipation and preparedness.

Mastering the art of showing up requires thoughtfulness; it’s about remembering the little things, being there when needed, celebrating life’s changes and mindfully participating in the ordinary as well as the extraordinary. It is a “Secret of Life” that requires us to have integrity of commitment, which normally means that we need to show up often and repeatedly. In order to be that good friend, loose that extra weight, master that difficult challenge, or honor our promises we have to just show up and do the work! Where would we be if we didn’t show up?

Unyielding Determination

It‘s amazing how time becomes distorted as we age… strangely, it actually appears to accelerate! It truly feels like I just sat down to write my first blog, “New Beginnings", and in a blink of an eye, it is 20 blogs and exactly one year later. To my delight, we are back… perched on my favorite mountain in St. Barth’s, devouring the inspiring magic of this spectacular Caribbean island. I feel very “zone” like here, grateful to be in the moment, appreciative of nature’s display of beauty (sunsets, moon rises, foliage, beaches) and enjoying re-charging my creative energy batteries.

Today, I am torn between writing about a silly topic of why “belly rubs” are a “Secret of Life” or a more reflective subject… “Unyielding Determination”. Since I am currently reading the biography of Steve Jobs and learning about his life and his “Unyielding Determination”, I thought I would use his amazing story to illustrate the power of “determination” in creating one’s life journey.

I have always believed in the power of free will… that if we are strong enough, focused enough, motivated, and intensely persistent towards a clear and defined vision, that we can accomplish anything. It may take us 10,000 hours, 150 times, or even a multitude of failures to achieve our dream, but what is critically vital is our passion… our unyielding commitment to fulfilling our goal.

Most people just stop. They quit for many reasons. Primarily, it is a lack of deep belief in their ability to achieve what seems impossible: they think it’s too hard… or they are afraid.

For me, it is not about belief, fear, or commitment. My own personal demons are frustration, impatience and timing. Almost everything takes more time and effort than planned. I get emotional and edgy when things don’t move fast enough. I am driven and I can be extraordinarily intense. Yet staying true to my “Unyielding Determination” and beliefs, life has unfolded much better than I could have ever envisioned. Even when I’m frustrated and feeling like I am pushing an elephant uphill, I still feel extraordinarily lucky.

One of the “Secrets” I’ve learned in achieving goals is that “we expand or contract into the amount of time we have to accomplish a task” (that’s a Glennism!) In the Jobs biography the closest people around him refer to Steve’s “Reality Distortion Field”. Jobs was determined… so unyieldingly determined, to create product perfection from his personal vision, that he incessantly generated an intensity that would not accept anything less than his view of brilliance. This overwhelming intensity created a “Reality Distortion Field” that engulfed the people around him. Jobs’ personal intensity and unyielding belief in achieving product perfection drove the people he worked with to successfully create what they had previously considered impossible. Jobs’ intense energy inspired, bullied, charmed, and cajoled his team to create greatness… to accomplish what many of them did not always believe they had within them. “Unyielding Determination” drove creativity, it squeezed the best out of people’s skills, and it inspired a powerful intrinsic desire to change the world. When your passion motivates you every day to change the world, you become a nuclear reactor of positive change.

Most people lead lives of mediocrity. We get in our own way with why we can’t do something. Maybe we’re too afraid to commit or don’t believe deeply in what we do professionally or personally. Even if we are lucky enough to discover our passion, we often fail to devote all our energy, everything we have and more every day, to achieving our dream! The difference between fully committing to “Unyielding Determination” and making a serious effort towards our goal is like day and night… it’s the difference between being awake or asleep. It is always that last 2% of intense effort that separate excellent results from outstanding, game-changing, and revolutionary accomplishments.

We are not all born to be rebels, pirates, or mavericks and I am not advocating that any of my readers venture outside of their own nature and become someone they are not. What I do deeply believe, is that by combining “Unyielding Determination”, intense passionate energy, and creative curiosity, we are all fully capable of achieving the impossible… even greatness.

Life is Better with Movement

A New Year… when many of us vow to shed those few extra pounds we so typically and enthusiastically add on during the holiday season. It’s the time of year we push ourselves to get more motivated, get in better shape, and get moving. Movement is key… it’s one of the most important things we can do to maintain a positive mindset and healthy lifestyle.

An object at rest tends to stay at rest; and something that ceases to move rapidly deteriorates. You don’t need me to tell you that movement, or better yet exercise, is as important to our well being as eating and breathing. We are constantly bombarded with weight loss ads, exercise videos, and offers of gym memberships. In our hearts we know that regular physical exercise improves overall conditioning. It strengthens our bodies, energizes our minds, releases oxygen to our tissues and organs, builds density in our bones, and most important for me… elevates my mood.

I discovered in my early 30’s that I suffered from seasonal affected disorder (SAD). My mood changes radically with the seasons. As the long New England winters lingered on I would find myself in a type of “funk”. The best cure for what ailed me is exercise and sunshine. Exercise is an elixir for life. It’s good for everything… our hearts, our minds, our stamina, our sense of self, even our sleep.

Personally, I need to do some combination of stretching, walking and strength training almost every day. If I don’t move my body it stiffens up, my back starts to ache, my mood sours… and I get cranky! Fortunately I have enjoyed the discipline of a weekly weight lifting routine for over 33 years. Strength training is an ingrained physical habit that has resulted in pretty decent muscle tone for this 60 year old guy. What is relatively new to my routine is yoga. Three years ago I engaged a yoga instructor to teach me how to breathe. Yes… I intuitively knew that deep and mindful breathing would help me reduce the stress and anxiety that was dominating my life during the global financial crisis. What I didn’t anticipate was how powerfully positive the yoga stretching poses would have on my overall well being. I am now more flexible, my balance has improved markedly, my posture is straighter, and my core is stronger. My body and my mind feel good. Simply put… “Life is better with movement.” Movement is an obvious “Secret of Life”.

What’s important is to find one’s own personal passion for movement. It can take many different forms… walking, swimming, biking, gardening, skiing, yoga, tennis, weight training, competitive sports, dancing. I love moving my body to music. Music motivates me to dance, to shake my body and stretch… even jump up and down.

Being married to a woman who is in perpetual motion is an intense motivator. My sweetheart Susan is like a “whirling dervish”. She jumps out of bed in the morning, embraces the day, and keeps on moving. It is amazing to watch. This constant motion is her nature, but it sure keeps her in fantastic physical condition as a result. Susan is a true inspiration for the positive effects of movement.

Make it an important priority to find your personal movement passion and even better, a friend or partner that inspires you to consistently practice this valuable “Secret of Life.” Your mindset will change, your body will energize, and life will become happier and healthier.

This is more than just a New Year’s resolution; it’s an attitude towards life. So, have fun and keep on movin’!

Remember to Laugh

A senior citizen in Florida buys a brand new Mercedes convertible. He takes off down the road, floors it to 80 MPH and enjoys the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

“This is great,” he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even harder. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing… siren blaring.

“I can get away from him with no problem,” thought the man, as he beared down on it some more, and flew down the road at over 100 MPH… 110… 120 MPH. Then he thought, “What am I doing… I’m too old for this kind of thing!”

He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up.

The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes, and walked up to the man. “Sir,” he said, looking at his watch, “my shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me any reason why you were speeding, that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The man looked at the trooper and said, “Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back.”

The trooper replied, “Sir, have a nice day.”

So, are you laughing? LOL… At least smiling? Doesn’t it feel great?

I just spent the last two hours reading jokes and one liners and my face hurts from smiling. I am feeling really good right now. No wonder laughter is described as the best medicine. We all love to laugh… it changes our chemistry, it releases our tension, it brightens our day.

Personally, laughter reminds me not to take myself and life so seriously. I can be very focused, maybe even too intense, about what I am working on in any given day. This intensity coupled with a sense of urgency to “Get things done,” often leaves me forgetting to laugh. Too many days without laughing and we get cranky.

Kids laugh! We’ve all seen micro videos of babies laughing. It is a physical expression of pure joy. Do you know that feeling? Nothing works faster to bring your mind and body into balance. The healing powers of a belly laugh trigger healthy physical changes. It boosts our immune system, releases endorphins, decreases pain and relaxes our entire body. But most importantly, a good laugh connects us to others and shifts our mindset to feeling positive and optimistic.

I will never forget a unique night of unabashed laughter with my dear friend Lenny Zakim. Lenny was dying. About a month before his death, Lenny and I had planned an intimate evening of pure fun. What Lenny purposely created for the two of us was truly a memory… a “Perfect Moment” of laughter. At that point in his illness, Lenny was in constant excruciating pain from cancer. He had discovered that laughter mitigated his pain and left him feeling as good as he could possibly feel. Laughter for him, was a powerful antidote.

That night we didn’t just laugh… we howled… we laughed until tears streamed down our cheeks. It was contagious. The more we laughed… the more we let go… the more we got out of our heads… the sillier we became. It was a wild, magically, fun night.

During this unforgettable evening of laughter with my dear friend, I asked him if he was teaching me an important lesson about how to approach dying. He passionately responded… that he wanted me to see that laughter was all about living!

Laughing with others builds strong relationships, it heals emotional and physical pain, it re-charges ones personal batteries, it dissolves stress and shifts our perspective of life to see situations as less threatening. Laughter is truly one of the “Secrets of Life.” Find people who make you laugh and howl with utter joy!

Happy Holidays! Remember this is the season to share laughter. Please feel free to post any short (clean) jokes in the spirit of joy.

Overcoming Resistance

Have you ever had a creative idea that you thought might change your life, or even change the world? Were you intrinsically motivated? Did you have a plan? Were you prepared to overcome the inevitable resistance that accompanies the grandest of ideas? Probably not… because quite frankly, “Ideas” are cheap! It is all about execution, execution, execution.

Personally, I have too many ideas, and many don’t make it. Maybe my resources are limited, or my expectations are unrealistic. Sometimes it just boils down to insufficient skills, or even the lack of discipline and tenacity to follow through on making my big idea a reality.

After 60 years of exploring new ideas, I realize that successful execution is all about work. This is no big “Secret of Life”! We all have to work at something in life. We all find ourselves exerting energy out of a necessity to make or do something. Sometimes when we are “In the Zone”, work can be exciting, passionate…..even joyful. Other times, it’s about repetitive action… putting one foot in front of another, and getting the job done with discipline and accountability. In either situation, measureable movement towards a specific goal brings satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment, even happiness.

In order for me to execute successfully on my “Big Ideas”… to live my dreams… to win, I have to overcome whatever resistance I am feeling. Winners overcome fear and defeat their personal resistance. Most of us have two lives. The life we live and the unlived life within us that we only dream about. Between the two, stands resistance. Have you ever quit a diet, procrastinated an important activity, put off learning, bailed out when you knew you shouldn’t? Then you know what resistance is. Resistance is toxic. It is the root of unhappiness, of mediocrity, of failure. Resistance cannot be seen, touched, heard, or smelled. But it can be felt. It is a repelling force. It comes from within and will give us any excuse not to execute… not to do our work. Resistance is insidious and it is by definition self-sabotage, especially when we use internal rationalizations to fuel our fear and inaction.

We can rationalize anything because there is that part of our mind that wants to believe what our rationalization tells us. It’s one thing to lie to ourselves, it’s another to believe it. Overcoming resistance is one of the “Secrets of Life”.

In order for me to achieve successfully, I have to overcome my internal resistance, focus my energies, and write a detailed plan of “How” to implement my new big idea. These first steps of the creative process are always the most exciting and stimulating for me. It is brand new! I love playing with my new shiny ideas. I find it totally engaging because I am enamored by the potential. Will it work? How big can it be? What resources do I need? How long will it take? What will I learn?

Overcoming resistance and driving to action does not automatically guarantee success. My track record is littered with failures. My mom used to say, “Son, you win one and lose eighty… but the one you win is always big!” I want to win as much as the next guy and maybe even more. But realistically I understand that I will lose some battles in order to win the war. Perseverance makes me stronger, drives personal accountability, and challenges me to push myself outside my comfort zone. Overcoming resistance is crucial for learning, vital to personal growth and an important “Secret of Life”.

Wine Transforms

The November 15th 2011 issue of Wine Spectator magazine… unequivocally the top North American publication on wine… featured a romantic journey through our personal Tuscan-inspired wine cellar. Susan and I love to entertain in this beautiful space. Imagine experiencing an evening of specially selected wines, accompanied by a dinner menu thoughtfully planned to elevate a tasting discovery. You are seated in a dining alcove encircled by hand painted frescos the colors of Tuscany, and completely surrounded by dozens of flickering candles. The air is filled with the sound of gentle music. Everyone is enjoying the moment, totally immersed in intimate story telling. It is magical, it is memorable, often resulting in the creation of a “Perfect Moment” for everyone present. It can best be described as being “In the Zone”. All senses are heightened… taste, sight, sound, touch, and scent… emotions stimulated by the subtleties of the wine, the warmth of friendly conversation… the soft glow of candles.

Back in January when I began cataloging “Secrets of Life” I listed wine as a potential “Secret”. Wine has many attributes. It makes us feel good, and has a history that spans thousands of years. Wine is an art form that expresses intense characteristics of scent, taste, color, and elicits passion from those who enjoy its culture. As I sat down today to write about wine, motivated by Wine Spectator’s awesome article on our cellar, I underwent a new realization.

Wine has become a fascinating and intriguing interest in my life. It is a source of joy and discovery. My taste is delighted by its wide but subtle spectrum, and challenges me to “Always Be Learning”, since wine encompasses immense knowledge, of which I am still so limited. Wine makes me think long term… what is the vintage? When is the wine peaking? How long should it age? What will I drink in five years, ten years, special occasions… and with whom? What stories do I have that accompany the wine… have we been to the vineyard, when did we first discover this wine, who gifted it, what was the occasion, the place… where did I buy it, why this wine, this grape, this region, this moment??

After all, is wine not the original “Fruit of the Vine”, with an ancient history that was instrumental in civilization’s evolution? It is most probable that man’s decision to cultivate grapes for wine making constituted an inflection point in history… a disruptive change in human culture. Man settled down to tend the vines instead of nomadically roaming from place to place. Wine has a civilizing nature. One had to wait years (four or five) before vines produced a harvestable crop. The vines needed care… pruning, staking, harvesting, tasting, crushing, storing awaiting the magic of fermentation. No wonder ancient civilizations thought of wine as sacred and used it for ritual and bringing communities together. The grape inexplicably transformed itself into the nectar of the Gods and in doing so, transformed mankind. Wine is truly a gift and an extraordinary “Secret of Life”.

Personal Energy

A month since my last blog post… way too long! September 2011 was a month of extremes. It started on the shores of Truro in Cape Cod, walking secluded beaches, watching shooting stars, laughing with friends and re-charging my personal energy batteries. Have you ever noticed how crystal clear you feel surrounded by the vast beauty of nature? Our senses are heightened; we seem more alive, more connected to the universe, more mindful. We are engulfed by the grandeur of Mother Nature’s palette. The visual colors of our natural surroundings, the scent and even taste of the air, the touch of a breeze, all invigorating us with a pure, cleansing energy.

I needed that revitalizing weekend by the sea because I was in training… preparing to give and receive energy from 1,000 Hearts On Fire family and friends. Yes, I physically and mentally gear up for the most powerful, exciting, energizing four days of my year… Hearts On Fire University. Over the last 15 years, I reserve four days a week during the month of August for creative dreaming, physical training, over-preparation and energy building. This personal retreat, which mainly occurs outside on our garden terrace is a powerful discipline.

Held annually in hyper-energetic Las Vegas, the experience of Hearts On Fire University is impossible to capture in mere words. For those lucky people who attend, it is often a life changing experience of personal and professional growth… best described as four days of intense learning and falling in love with careers and businesses again, all while growing dreams and aspirations. “HOFU”, as it is affectionately called, is a wakeup call to overcome mediocrity and challenge ourselves to achieve a life of greatness. Sound amazing? I am truly understating the experience. It is a valuable gift of love and energy to all who attend.

Imagine 1,000 people totally pumped up and connected in both purpose and passion, motivated to action, excited to expand their individual aspirations… the outcome is energy creation on a nuclear scale. The results are palpable, the synergy is magical. Energy levels fuel creativity, action, success, and happiness. When our energy is high, positive things happen… when it is low, life is difficult. We feel most energized when we are connected… to nature, to ourselves, to a purpose….to something bigger.

Personal energy, one of the vital “Secrets of Life”, is a life force that flows like a mighty wave, fueling all that we are and everything we do. It fuels an essential awareness of being mindful. The more mindful we are, the better we can control and embrace it. This kind of personal energy on steroids is better known as passion…..generated by focusing on what we love… what we are most committed to.
Absorbing and transferring the love, the passion and positive energy at electrifying HOFU is immeasurable. This year it was even more extreme because Susan and I celebrated major life milestones with our extended family and friends… both of our 60th birthdays and our 35th wedding anniversary. The overpowering love and affection directed at us created a “perfect moment”… an intense life experience of being in “the zone”.

Fully charged and almost short circuited from four days of this mighty celebration of love and energy, we decided that there was only one thing we could do when “the music stopped”…

GO FISHING!!!

Directly from Vegas we flew to one of our favorite nature spots… the Bitteroot Valley in Montana. The very next day we were floating down the river fishing. What an extreme! One day Vegas and 1,000 highly charged people… the next day drifting down the majestic Bitteroot in rhythm with the cast of the fly rod, anticipating the excitement of a fish striking, listening to the sounds of the river and the birds, tasting the sweetness of the mountain air, being engulfed by the energy of old forests.

Energy is everything.

Energy is life.

Susan's "Perfect Moment" on her special birthday!

Embracing Change

The most significant and beneficial transitions in my life have been the result of involuntary change. During these times of upheaval my internal conversations were always the same… “Why is this happening to me?”… “This is not what I planned!”… “This loss is too painful.” The anxiety and uncertainty I felt from these disruptive events in my life drained my energy and clouded my thinking. I felt out of control and frustratingly lost.

In recalling one of these significant events of forced change, I clearly remember being 21 years old and failing to get into medical school. My entire life until that rejection letter arrived was focused on becoming a doctor. I didn’t have a backup plan and now that I was graduating from college, I had no idea what my future had in store… I had no vision.

I was so fearful of this unanticipated disruption to my new start in life that I woke each morning in a cold sweat… asking myself “what am I going to do with the rest of my life?”

Amazingly, this unplanned occupation disaster turned out to be the very best thing that happened in my professional career. Instead of becoming a doctor… or worse a shrink, I created an exciting and remarkable journey as an entrepreneur. Life is extraordinary in this way. Almost everyone experiences moments of disruptive change. We lose jobs, break up with lovers, acquire an illness, experience the death of a loved one… and we are forced to adapt.

The most disruptive, painful changes in our lives often generate the most positive, joyful, satisfying results. This is a subtle and introspective “Secret of Life”. The earlier we learn this secret and apply it to our perception of life’s challenges… the quicker we learn to seize new opportunities. Personally, it took three painful, confidence shattering, faith testing, uncontrollable life changing events to learn this important lesson. In all three extremely troubled situations, the most significant, positive life changes resulted after a relatively short, but painful time period of adaptation. In retrospect, I left behind my strong attachment to the old and moved forward with effort and desire to embrace the opportunity of new.

The important mindful realization that change is constant and that we can with energy and effort, control our attitude toward change is certainly an integral component of this subtle “Secret of Life”. I am lucky that disruptive change and unmanageable forces in my life taught me that change drives growth, it motivates action, powers transformation, and causes new ways of thinking. Change is inevitable… change is constant… change is great!

I no longer just embrace change, I pursue it. I am addicted! I find it exhilarating, challenging, motivating. I often change things just for the sake of it. For me change is an adrenalin rush. My attraction to change has turned into a lifelong quest for something new… new experiences, new learning, new business models, new adventures.

Ease of change does not come naturally to some. It can be difficult for people who deny or resist… it can be uncomfortable and feel risky. Often our minds are conditioned to feel safe where we are, and frankly many people don’t even want to change.

But here we are… completely engulfed in a world that is accelerating change economically, technically, socially, politically, scientifically. If we don’t embrace it, if we don’t leverage it, if we stay the same, that sameness will lead to inertia or even worse, we become mediocre. And mediocrity is the black hole of energy. What do you want to be? Mediocre? Or do you aspire to greatness? So, get moving and change something important today!

PASSION

This week I had the privilege of spending some quiet quality time with two extraordinarily successful people. They are about the same age, live in different worlds, are of opposite sex, grew up in dissimilar cultures, and from a glance seem very much unalike. But spend a little personal time, and you are immersed in their powerful emotion of passion. One individual is the President of the world’s largest publishing company; the other is the CEO of the world’s largest rough diamond distribution company. Immensely powerful, successful individuals who share a common “Secret of Life”… Passion.

Passion motivates. Passion drives action. Passion inspires new standards of excellence which produce outstanding results. These two apparently dissimilar individuals have risen to the pinnacle of their professional worlds by focusing their passion to make a positive difference in the world they touch. With vision they lead change; with intensity they innovate. Their true and personal desires fulfill their intrinsic needs and inspire people to achieve great results. Passion is a contagious emotion that excites activity, builds momentum, and is powerfully magical. And if you read my previous blog… passion can inexplicably place you “In the Zone”.

Okay, we all get it. Passion is a good thing! But how do I find my passion, how do I fall in love with my mission in life… with my “career”, my “family”, my “whatever”? I don’t have any simple formula for falling in love with life, but I can share with you some insights in my own transformation, from frustrated, stuck, unhappy diamond merchant, to enjoying 15 years of pure passion, building and leading the “Hearts On Fire” brand.

At 35 years old I remember clearly having an intimate conversation with a dear friend of mine. “Rosie, I just don’t feel passionate about anything”. “I feel stuck and unfulfilled”. “Is this what life is all about?”

This initial conversation, the verbalization that I recognized dissatisfaction with the state of my being, was a first step in my own passion awareness. I wanted to feel “more alive”. I wanted to experience excitement, enthusiasm for my life. I wanted most of all, to be engaged in a vision that created change that would lead to greatness. I wanted to feel all the molecules of my mind and body energized and driven by purpose to a new place. I wanted to wake up from my deep sleep of mediocrity, and look forward to each new day with a renewed, positive mindset. Not an easy task.

For me the first step toward restoring and building passion in my life was recognizing its absence. The second step was a quantum leap… my bank failed! Yes, probably the worse emotional experience of my professional life (Bank of New England, Jan 1991 failure) turned into the best motivating force of my career. I was thrown off the treadmill of life, because of an event outside of my control, forced to stop… to think about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. What skills would I need to build a new existence? How would I find my passion?

When in doubt, when in search… learn something new. I pushed myself outside my comfort zone at the ripe young age of 40 to re-invent myself. This required study to acquire new skills. (I went to seminars and the Harvard Business School for marketing, finance, accounting). It demanded letting go of habits that weighed me down; it forced me to face my fears and to embrace uncertainty. The more I learned, the more driven, the more passionate I became. New knowledge generated excitement and passion in my being for new and expanding experiences. The more I learned, the more I earned. I challenged all my beliefs and re-evaluated all my aspirations in life. My personal standards evolved as my being evolved. Instead of good results, I now aspire to greatness. No longer do I “try” at life… I “do”. The greater the aspirations, the more passionate I have grown. Sometimes my passion is expressed verbally, other times physically through body language, and often it is manifested as sheer will.

I am lucky, even blessed. Not only have I found my passion, it demonstrates itself every day in two wonderfully complimentary paths… my extraordinary marriage and the magic of the Hearts On Fire brand. My marriage is without question the very best thing that has happened to me. It provides balance, consistency, fun, and unconditional love in my life. Hearts On Fire has become a driving force, an intensity, an obsession to nurture and to share with the world. To me, Hearts On Fire is passion. It provides a vehicle of creative expression, an infrastructure to make a positive difference in the lives it touches. Today the magic and power of the Hearts On Fire diamond symbolizes and communicates the very best in personal values and human emotion.

Wow! Create a dream… add passion and unyielding determination and you have a movement that takes on a life of its own. It doesn’t get any better than that. Passion is and has always been a powerful “Secret of Life”.

In the Zone

Do you ever feel that you are exactly in the right place at the right time? Do you ever feel “in the moment”, “in the game”, “in the flow”, “in a rhythm”…“in the present”? All of these phrases are different vernacular for the same mental state of being “In the Zone”. I define this mindset as a perfect moment of heightened awareness; a sense of deep connection to our surroundings, and being fully immersed with energized focus. In these precious moments of being “In the Zone”, one experiences an emotion that I can best describe as feeling joyful, lucky and blessed all at the same time. It is when we are so concentrated on the activity that we lose sense of time and become totally absorbed in experiencing the task before us.

Great athletes always aspire to be “In the Zone”. For them, it is the culmination of practice that suddenly appears effortless in a natural rhythm of movement. Talented musicians can experience a similar mental state. They merge, if not lose themselves into their music, intensely feeling the creation of sound, harmony, and connection to other musicians. Artists “In the Zone” become one with their medium and intuitively channel the flow of creativity in their expression and work.

Getting “In the Zone”, staying there as long as you can, and finding it over and over again (since we inevitably fall out of “The Zone”) may be one of the most challenging “Secrets of Life”. People who spend as little as 20% of their conscious lives “In the Zone” accomplish astonishingly more, are happier, healthier, generate positive energy and make a positive difference in the lives they touch. People who spend 50%, 60%, 70% or even 80% of their conscious lives “In the Zone” often change the worlds they live in. They are considered top in their fields of sports, education, religion, business, philanthropy, science and artistic creativity. They are the masters of their lives.

So….how do we get “In the Zone”? Frankly, I don’t really have an exact answer. I know I can’t force myself “In the Zone” or even predict when I will enter….it just happens. But I can speak to my state of mind when I am lucky enough to experience it. First, I am highly motivated and laser focused on the activity. Second, I am completely immersed and intrinsically motivated in the experience. For me, it helps to have a detailed goal that pushes me out of my comfort zone. I need a challenge that drives me with unyielding determination to accomplish the goal. If the task is too easy, I don’t get there... If the reward is only extrinsic, I don’t get there. If I don’t push my skills set and immerse myself in a new experience that absorbs me into the moment… I don’t get there. This is why my entire life I have been addicted to change and am in constant search of new, expanding life experiences. For me, being “In the Zone” is a lifelong passion.

Today, I am writing this blog on top of a mountain in Carmel, California… lost in time as the sun sets majestically over the Pacific in a breathtaking fire of reds, oranges and yellows. The air is perfumed with eucalyptus and jasmine, and the breeze is moist from the light fog coming in from the sea. I am in awe of the moment, surrounded and absorbed by the beauty of nature, yet challenged by how to clearly express this elusive “Secret of Life”….being “In the Zone”.

The Secret Recipe for Romance

Exactly two weeks ago Susan and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. It was off the charts amazing! Imagine the setting… dinner for two outside under the stars, on a private terrace overlooking a waterfall surrounded by candles, flowers, and the sound of our personal music that has accompanied our 35 years of perfect moments. We experienced a uniquely orchestrated Japanese dinner of special appetizers, special sashimi and sushi, special fruit, and of course special champagne and a special sake called “Divine Droplets”. Yes… special, special, special… ahhh, special! Our skilled master sushi chef created what can only be described as art. Our intimate, romantic experience encompassed a perfect evening that lasted over five wonderful hours. It was a dream. We created memories and reflected on memories of our lifetime of adventure. We danced, we hugged, we kissed. We felt the richness of our lives and the depth of our love. It was a beautiful thing.

How, after all these years can we love so deeply, can our romance feel so intensely? Why do I, when asked about my life, immediately and without hesitation say… “The best thing that has happened to me in my life is my marriage”? Romance is truly one of the more personal “Secrets of Life”.

I am not claiming a unique recipe that we can mix together creating a magical formula for romance…. Frankly, every day of our 35 year marriage has not been perfect. We have our ups and downs, successes and failures, excitement and boredom.

During these 35 years we have confronted our share of challenges, yet overcoming and understanding our bumps in the road has only made our romance stronger. We have grown much closer together instead of apart. Our relationship, our understanding, even our passion has evolved to new heights.

OK, enough already with all this mushy stuff! How did we end up more passionate, more in love than our beginnings? The first ingredient in the “Secret Recipe” of romance is "respect". We respect each other’s differences and in many ways honor them. I love Susan for who she is and Susan loves me for who I am. We are extraordinarily different. Susan loves the mornings and is in constant motion. I embrace the afternoons/evenings and can be still for hours. Susan excels at details; I adopt the big picture. Susan executes, I dream. Our differences make us stronger, even synergistic, because we respect and nurture them. We play to each other’s strengths and have learned to rely on compensating for each other’s weaknesses. Our romance is a true partnership.

Partners don’t ever compete. Ingredient #2 in the romance formula is “never compete with each other”. One person always loses. Losing is not romantic. Romance is all about embracing the moment in unison… not winning or losing. Create your life with your significant other that includes separate responsibilities for daily tasks, and don’t manage, compete or interfere in each other’s jobs without an invitation. Second guessing each other is not the definition of trust. Will your romantic partner do it differently than you? Most likely yes! So What!!!

Ingredient #3 and possibly the most powerful element in romance is “be thoughtful”. Being “thoughtful” is about recognition, acknowledgement, and surprise in a relationship. It is about making your partner feel unique, special, and good about themselves. It is stopping and celebrating perfect moments, accomplishments, and major milestones. The advanced art of romance is finding these “thoughtful” connections in everyday activities… in sharing together a smile, a touch… including each other in a spontaneous moment, and recognizing as a couple the joy and contentment in the ordinary and the magic of the extraordinary.

What would a recipe of romance be without a secret ingredient? The secret sauce, the spice that takes our romance to exceptional heights is “intimacy”. Intimacy is being the best of friends! It is a feeling of closeness, of total trust, fulfillment, and of complete acceptance of each other’s differences. It is a very safe place with no secrets, complete commitment, absolute truth, kindness, laughter, and openness to unselfishly sharing thoughts and feelings. It’s a place to have fun and fall in love over and over again. It is vitally important to keep the magic, the sparkle in romance by finding every opportunity to express your deepest emotion. A gentle, sweet kiss, a passionate hug, an unexpected “I love you”, a warm snuggle adds a dimension to our lives that brings completeness.

Romance is one of the most challenging “Secrets of Life” because it takes two souls, two loving and committed partners to achieve success. I know this blog is long but if you can hang in there for just one more suggestion… “schedule romance”!!! Yes, take turns scheduling a night, a weekend, a surprise moment… and don’t stand on ceremony or principal. If your partner misses a turn just schedule another, and another if necessary. It is truly a powerful “Secret of Life” to pursue, nurture, and value romance.

How do you create romance in your life? Is anybody out there that can share a romantic moment? Your personal comment will make us all feel connected.

The 80/20 Principle

Ever wonder why some people seem to accomplish more than others? Why some are happier than others, are more successful, have more free time? It is not all genetics, childhood experiences, or even education… it’s what we spend our time on that really counts.

I believe in a natural imbalance of our efforts. Wow! Those nine words sound heady… even esoteric. But what I am really saying here is that a minimal amount of our efforts or inputs generate a disproportionate amount of our results or outputs… an important, powerful “Secret of Life” is the 80/20 principle.

The reason the 80/20 principle is so valuable is because it is counter-intuitive. We tend to believe that half of our efforts will generate half of our results… that life in general should be equally balanced… that our problems and opportunities are equally weighted… that all customers, products, sales revenue, inquiries, phone calls, emails, even days of the week have similar significance, have roughly the same value. This is simply not true… when we carefully analyze the true relationship between effort and results we clearly see how unbalanced life is.

So, why should we care? Whether we realize it or not, this “Secret of Life” affects our entire personal world. It applies to our work, our families, our friends, our happiness, even our spiritual life. I use it as a lens to focus my view of what is really happening around me. When we truly realize that 20% of our efforts produce 80% of our results it can change our lives… forever.

How? By choice, by substitution, by taking control over our time, action, and priorities, we can dramatically improve the quality, achievements, even happiness in our lives.

Many of us already apply the 80/20 principal to business. We know when we review the statistical data, 80% of our profits come from 20% of our products, 80% of our revenues are generated by 20% of our customers, 80% of our market awareness is a result of 20% of our marketing efforts. This means that most of what we do is far from efficient. We simply waste resources, time and energy… day in and day out.

Here is where the great opportunity, the powerful “Secret of Life” resides. If we discipline ourselves to simply stop doing the bottom 20% of our activity that produces the least effective results in our daily lives… and instead substitute that time, that energy, doing more of the most effective activity (top 20%) we can create a positive, leveraged, multiplying result with the same efforts. We can become super productive by just prioritizing and substituting what we do. Can you imagine the power of stopping the bottom 20% of what you do and focusing instead on the top 20% of your most effective, efficient, efforts?

I am not suggesting blowing your life up with radical change. What I am advocating is that we review our daily lives and identify the small minority of inputs or efforts that have a major, leveraged impact on our outputs/ results and do more of that. Press up whatever is working, and do less of what eats time and resources. When I am applying the 80/20 principle; I may choose not to answer every email or message, I don’t take on other people’s work when they try to give it to me. I avoid wasting time on low value activities by not letting low value activities control me. I prefer not to hang with people who drain my energy. The 80/20 principal drives us to create our own lives by substituting efforts, by setting priorities that will greatly improve the quality of our lives. Why just let life happen when we can consciously apply the 80/20 principal “Secret of Life” to strategically set us free?

Why Worry?

For a guy that came from a family that didn’t value worrying… I am pretty good at it. My mom had no- and I repeat no worries in the world. Her personal philosophy of life was “Whatever bees, bees”. It was so frustrating at times when I couldn’t get my own mom to worry with me about my “Big” worries that I thought she might be absolutely clueless. My Dad wasn’t too far away on the worry scale. His coaching was “If I thought worrying would help, I would encourage you to do more, son”. “Life is round” he would say. “It goes up and down, and that’s just the way it is.”

So how did I become such an expert on worrying? For me there is good worrying and bad worrying. I guess being an overachiever with aspirations off the chart drives me to carefully analyze issues. I am always looking for the right answers to my questions and find myself constantly risk managing decisions. This is where good worrying enters. It motivates me. When I work harder to succeed, when I am truly aware of controlling my emotional worry, when I move forward with unyielding determination and focus… I successfully get out of my way and leave my comfort zone. Worrying drives me with a sense of urgency.

I lead by creating change; I achieve by positive action; I am fulfilled by having a sense of purpose.

So what’s the big “Secret of Life” here?

Write down what you are worrying about. List your worries large and small and track them for a year. My prediction is that none of those important worries from a year ago will be on your mind a year later. Whatever we are worrying about today is the most important thing in our life but where will these worries be a year from now? 99%of these worries will never happen.

We need confidence… better yet faith, that what we finish will turn out OK. My personal experience is more extreme. From the worst experiences in my life, from my deepest despair and worry, the very best results have ultimately prevailed. Repeatedly, life has turned out better than I have planned, better than I have worried.

What is unhealthy is to feel sorry for ourselves when our lives are turned upside down. Instead we need to confront our anxiety, fear, worry, and initiate action to meet the bumps in the road. In April of 2009, at one of the most challenging moments in my business career, I spoke intimately with two of my trusted advisors. I said to one, “K, I am worried about the business” and he replied, “Create Plan ‘B’”. Simple and direct. Stop worrying and take action.

My other advisor met me for lunch and when he recognized my sorry state of worry we proceeded to drink large quantities of wine. At the end of lunch “B” said to me, “This is just a giant, deep pothole in your journey... Look beyond this pothole in the road… You have to see that you will come out the other side.”

Exactly one year later (2010) all of those insurmountable worries were not on the list. Quiet the mind, take action, and have faith that whatever action we complete, whatever responsibility we fulfill will turn out better than we could have planned.

So, why worry?