Overcoming Resistance

Have you ever had a creative idea that you thought might change your life, or even change the world? Were you intrinsically motivated? Did you have a plan? Were you prepared to overcome the inevitable resistance that accompanies the grandest of ideas? Probably not… because quite frankly, “Ideas” are cheap! It is all about execution, execution, execution.

Personally, I have too many ideas, and many don’t make it. Maybe my resources are limited, or my expectations are unrealistic. Sometimes it just boils down to insufficient skills, or even the lack of discipline and tenacity to follow through on making my big idea a reality.

After 60 years of exploring new ideas, I realize that successful execution is all about work. This is no big “Secret of Life”! We all have to work at something in life. We all find ourselves exerting energy out of a necessity to make or do something. Sometimes when we are “In the Zone”, work can be exciting, passionate…..even joyful. Other times, it’s about repetitive action… putting one foot in front of another, and getting the job done with discipline and accountability. In either situation, measureable movement towards a specific goal brings satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment, even happiness.

In order for me to execute successfully on my “Big Ideas”… to live my dreams… to win, I have to overcome whatever resistance I am feeling. Winners overcome fear and defeat their personal resistance. Most of us have two lives. The life we live and the unlived life within us that we only dream about. Between the two, stands resistance. Have you ever quit a diet, procrastinated an important activity, put off learning, bailed out when you knew you shouldn’t? Then you know what resistance is. Resistance is toxic. It is the root of unhappiness, of mediocrity, of failure. Resistance cannot be seen, touched, heard, or smelled. But it can be felt. It is a repelling force. It comes from within and will give us any excuse not to execute… not to do our work. Resistance is insidious and it is by definition self-sabotage, especially when we use internal rationalizations to fuel our fear and inaction.

We can rationalize anything because there is that part of our mind that wants to believe what our rationalization tells us. It’s one thing to lie to ourselves, it’s another to believe it. Overcoming resistance is one of the “Secrets of Life”.

In order for me to achieve successfully, I have to overcome my internal resistance, focus my energies, and write a detailed plan of “How” to implement my new big idea. These first steps of the creative process are always the most exciting and stimulating for me. It is brand new! I love playing with my new shiny ideas. I find it totally engaging because I am enamored by the potential. Will it work? How big can it be? What resources do I need? How long will it take? What will I learn?

Overcoming resistance and driving to action does not automatically guarantee success. My track record is littered with failures. My mom used to say, “Son, you win one and lose eighty… but the one you win is always big!” I want to win as much as the next guy and maybe even more. But realistically I understand that I will lose some battles in order to win the war. Perseverance makes me stronger, drives personal accountability, and challenges me to push myself outside my comfort zone. Overcoming resistance is crucial for learning, vital to personal growth and an important “Secret of Life”.

Wine Transforms

The November 15th 2011 issue of Wine Spectator magazine… unequivocally the top North American publication on wine… featured a romantic journey through our personal Tuscan-inspired wine cellar. Susan and I love to entertain in this beautiful space. Imagine experiencing an evening of specially selected wines, accompanied by a dinner menu thoughtfully planned to elevate a tasting discovery. You are seated in a dining alcove encircled by hand painted frescos the colors of Tuscany, and completely surrounded by dozens of flickering candles. The air is filled with the sound of gentle music. Everyone is enjoying the moment, totally immersed in intimate story telling. It is magical, it is memorable, often resulting in the creation of a “Perfect Moment” for everyone present. It can best be described as being “In the Zone”. All senses are heightened… taste, sight, sound, touch, and scent… emotions stimulated by the subtleties of the wine, the warmth of friendly conversation… the soft glow of candles.

Back in January when I began cataloging “Secrets of Life” I listed wine as a potential “Secret”. Wine has many attributes. It makes us feel good, and has a history that spans thousands of years. Wine is an art form that expresses intense characteristics of scent, taste, color, and elicits passion from those who enjoy its culture. As I sat down today to write about wine, motivated by Wine Spectator’s awesome article on our cellar, I underwent a new realization.

Wine has become a fascinating and intriguing interest in my life. It is a source of joy and discovery. My taste is delighted by its wide but subtle spectrum, and challenges me to “Always Be Learning”, since wine encompasses immense knowledge, of which I am still so limited. Wine makes me think long term… what is the vintage? When is the wine peaking? How long should it age? What will I drink in five years, ten years, special occasions… and with whom? What stories do I have that accompany the wine… have we been to the vineyard, when did we first discover this wine, who gifted it, what was the occasion, the place… where did I buy it, why this wine, this grape, this region, this moment??

After all, is wine not the original “Fruit of the Vine”, with an ancient history that was instrumental in civilization’s evolution? It is most probable that man’s decision to cultivate grapes for wine making constituted an inflection point in history… a disruptive change in human culture. Man settled down to tend the vines instead of nomadically roaming from place to place. Wine has a civilizing nature. One had to wait years (four or five) before vines produced a harvestable crop. The vines needed care… pruning, staking, harvesting, tasting, crushing, storing awaiting the magic of fermentation. No wonder ancient civilizations thought of wine as sacred and used it for ritual and bringing communities together. The grape inexplicably transformed itself into the nectar of the Gods and in doing so, transformed mankind. Wine is truly a gift and an extraordinary “Secret of Life”.

Personal Energy

A month since my last blog post… way too long! September 2011 was a month of extremes. It started on the shores of Truro in Cape Cod, walking secluded beaches, watching shooting stars, laughing with friends and re-charging my personal energy batteries. Have you ever noticed how crystal clear you feel surrounded by the vast beauty of nature? Our senses are heightened; we seem more alive, more connected to the universe, more mindful. We are engulfed by the grandeur of Mother Nature’s palette. The visual colors of our natural surroundings, the scent and even taste of the air, the touch of a breeze, all invigorating us with a pure, cleansing energy.

I needed that revitalizing weekend by the sea because I was in training… preparing to give and receive energy from 1,000 Hearts On Fire family and friends. Yes, I physically and mentally gear up for the most powerful, exciting, energizing four days of my year… Hearts On Fire University. Over the last 15 years, I reserve four days a week during the month of August for creative dreaming, physical training, over-preparation and energy building. This personal retreat, which mainly occurs outside on our garden terrace is a powerful discipline.

Held annually in hyper-energetic Las Vegas, the experience of Hearts On Fire University is impossible to capture in mere words. For those lucky people who attend, it is often a life changing experience of personal and professional growth… best described as four days of intense learning and falling in love with careers and businesses again, all while growing dreams and aspirations. “HOFU”, as it is affectionately called, is a wakeup call to overcome mediocrity and challenge ourselves to achieve a life of greatness. Sound amazing? I am truly understating the experience. It is a valuable gift of love and energy to all who attend.

Imagine 1,000 people totally pumped up and connected in both purpose and passion, motivated to action, excited to expand their individual aspirations… the outcome is energy creation on a nuclear scale. The results are palpable, the synergy is magical. Energy levels fuel creativity, action, success, and happiness. When our energy is high, positive things happen… when it is low, life is difficult. We feel most energized when we are connected… to nature, to ourselves, to a purpose….to something bigger.

Personal energy, one of the vital “Secrets of Life”, is a life force that flows like a mighty wave, fueling all that we are and everything we do. It fuels an essential awareness of being mindful. The more mindful we are, the better we can control and embrace it. This kind of personal energy on steroids is better known as passion…..generated by focusing on what we love… what we are most committed to.
Absorbing and transferring the love, the passion and positive energy at electrifying HOFU is immeasurable. This year it was even more extreme because Susan and I celebrated major life milestones with our extended family and friends… both of our 60th birthdays and our 35th wedding anniversary. The overpowering love and affection directed at us created a “perfect moment”… an intense life experience of being in “the zone”.

Fully charged and almost short circuited from four days of this mighty celebration of love and energy, we decided that there was only one thing we could do when “the music stopped”…

GO FISHING!!!

Directly from Vegas we flew to one of our favorite nature spots… the Bitteroot Valley in Montana. The very next day we were floating down the river fishing. What an extreme! One day Vegas and 1,000 highly charged people… the next day drifting down the majestic Bitteroot in rhythm with the cast of the fly rod, anticipating the excitement of a fish striking, listening to the sounds of the river and the birds, tasting the sweetness of the mountain air, being engulfed by the energy of old forests.

Energy is everything.

Energy is life.

Susan's "Perfect Moment" on her special birthday!

Embracing Change

The most significant and beneficial transitions in my life have been the result of involuntary change. During these times of upheaval my internal conversations were always the same… “Why is this happening to me?”… “This is not what I planned!”… “This loss is too painful.” The anxiety and uncertainty I felt from these disruptive events in my life drained my energy and clouded my thinking. I felt out of control and frustratingly lost.

In recalling one of these significant events of forced change, I clearly remember being 21 years old and failing to get into medical school. My entire life until that rejection letter arrived was focused on becoming a doctor. I didn’t have a backup plan and now that I was graduating from college, I had no idea what my future had in store… I had no vision.

I was so fearful of this unanticipated disruption to my new start in life that I woke each morning in a cold sweat… asking myself “what am I going to do with the rest of my life?”

Amazingly, this unplanned occupation disaster turned out to be the very best thing that happened in my professional career. Instead of becoming a doctor… or worse a shrink, I created an exciting and remarkable journey as an entrepreneur. Life is extraordinary in this way. Almost everyone experiences moments of disruptive change. We lose jobs, break up with lovers, acquire an illness, experience the death of a loved one… and we are forced to adapt.

The most disruptive, painful changes in our lives often generate the most positive, joyful, satisfying results. This is a subtle and introspective “Secret of Life”. The earlier we learn this secret and apply it to our perception of life’s challenges… the quicker we learn to seize new opportunities. Personally, it took three painful, confidence shattering, faith testing, uncontrollable life changing events to learn this important lesson. In all three extremely troubled situations, the most significant, positive life changes resulted after a relatively short, but painful time period of adaptation. In retrospect, I left behind my strong attachment to the old and moved forward with effort and desire to embrace the opportunity of new.

The important mindful realization that change is constant and that we can with energy and effort, control our attitude toward change is certainly an integral component of this subtle “Secret of Life”. I am lucky that disruptive change and unmanageable forces in my life taught me that change drives growth, it motivates action, powers transformation, and causes new ways of thinking. Change is inevitable… change is constant… change is great!

I no longer just embrace change, I pursue it. I am addicted! I find it exhilarating, challenging, motivating. I often change things just for the sake of it. For me change is an adrenalin rush. My attraction to change has turned into a lifelong quest for something new… new experiences, new learning, new business models, new adventures.

Ease of change does not come naturally to some. It can be difficult for people who deny or resist… it can be uncomfortable and feel risky. Often our minds are conditioned to feel safe where we are, and frankly many people don’t even want to change.

But here we are… completely engulfed in a world that is accelerating change economically, technically, socially, politically, scientifically. If we don’t embrace it, if we don’t leverage it, if we stay the same, that sameness will lead to inertia or even worse, we become mediocre. And mediocrity is the black hole of energy. What do you want to be? Mediocre? Or do you aspire to greatness? So, get moving and change something important today!

PASSION

This week I had the privilege of spending some quiet quality time with two extraordinarily successful people. They are about the same age, live in different worlds, are of opposite sex, grew up in dissimilar cultures, and from a glance seem very much unalike. But spend a little personal time, and you are immersed in their powerful emotion of passion. One individual is the President of the world’s largest publishing company; the other is the CEO of the world’s largest rough diamond distribution company. Immensely powerful, successful individuals who share a common “Secret of Life”… Passion.

Passion motivates. Passion drives action. Passion inspires new standards of excellence which produce outstanding results. These two apparently dissimilar individuals have risen to the pinnacle of their professional worlds by focusing their passion to make a positive difference in the world they touch. With vision they lead change; with intensity they innovate. Their true and personal desires fulfill their intrinsic needs and inspire people to achieve great results. Passion is a contagious emotion that excites activity, builds momentum, and is powerfully magical. And if you read my previous blog… passion can inexplicably place you “In the Zone”.

Okay, we all get it. Passion is a good thing! But how do I find my passion, how do I fall in love with my mission in life… with my “career”, my “family”, my “whatever”? I don’t have any simple formula for falling in love with life, but I can share with you some insights in my own transformation, from frustrated, stuck, unhappy diamond merchant, to enjoying 15 years of pure passion, building and leading the “Hearts On Fire” brand.

At 35 years old I remember clearly having an intimate conversation with a dear friend of mine. “Rosie, I just don’t feel passionate about anything”. “I feel stuck and unfulfilled”. “Is this what life is all about?”

This initial conversation, the verbalization that I recognized dissatisfaction with the state of my being, was a first step in my own passion awareness. I wanted to feel “more alive”. I wanted to experience excitement, enthusiasm for my life. I wanted most of all, to be engaged in a vision that created change that would lead to greatness. I wanted to feel all the molecules of my mind and body energized and driven by purpose to a new place. I wanted to wake up from my deep sleep of mediocrity, and look forward to each new day with a renewed, positive mindset. Not an easy task.

For me the first step toward restoring and building passion in my life was recognizing its absence. The second step was a quantum leap… my bank failed! Yes, probably the worse emotional experience of my professional life (Bank of New England, Jan 1991 failure) turned into the best motivating force of my career. I was thrown off the treadmill of life, because of an event outside of my control, forced to stop… to think about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. What skills would I need to build a new existence? How would I find my passion?

When in doubt, when in search… learn something new. I pushed myself outside my comfort zone at the ripe young age of 40 to re-invent myself. This required study to acquire new skills. (I went to seminars and the Harvard Business School for marketing, finance, accounting). It demanded letting go of habits that weighed me down; it forced me to face my fears and to embrace uncertainty. The more I learned, the more driven, the more passionate I became. New knowledge generated excitement and passion in my being for new and expanding experiences. The more I learned, the more I earned. I challenged all my beliefs and re-evaluated all my aspirations in life. My personal standards evolved as my being evolved. Instead of good results, I now aspire to greatness. No longer do I “try” at life… I “do”. The greater the aspirations, the more passionate I have grown. Sometimes my passion is expressed verbally, other times physically through body language, and often it is manifested as sheer will.

I am lucky, even blessed. Not only have I found my passion, it demonstrates itself every day in two wonderfully complimentary paths… my extraordinary marriage and the magic of the Hearts On Fire brand. My marriage is without question the very best thing that has happened to me. It provides balance, consistency, fun, and unconditional love in my life. Hearts On Fire has become a driving force, an intensity, an obsession to nurture and to share with the world. To me, Hearts On Fire is passion. It provides a vehicle of creative expression, an infrastructure to make a positive difference in the lives it touches. Today the magic and power of the Hearts On Fire diamond symbolizes and communicates the very best in personal values and human emotion.

Wow! Create a dream… add passion and unyielding determination and you have a movement that takes on a life of its own. It doesn’t get any better than that. Passion is and has always been a powerful “Secret of Life”.

In the Zone

Do you ever feel that you are exactly in the right place at the right time? Do you ever feel “in the moment”, “in the game”, “in the flow”, “in a rhythm”…“in the present”? All of these phrases are different vernacular for the same mental state of being “In the Zone”. I define this mindset as a perfect moment of heightened awareness; a sense of deep connection to our surroundings, and being fully immersed with energized focus. In these precious moments of being “In the Zone”, one experiences an emotion that I can best describe as feeling joyful, lucky and blessed all at the same time. It is when we are so concentrated on the activity that we lose sense of time and become totally absorbed in experiencing the task before us.

Great athletes always aspire to be “In the Zone”. For them, it is the culmination of practice that suddenly appears effortless in a natural rhythm of movement. Talented musicians can experience a similar mental state. They merge, if not lose themselves into their music, intensely feeling the creation of sound, harmony, and connection to other musicians. Artists “In the Zone” become one with their medium and intuitively channel the flow of creativity in their expression and work.

Getting “In the Zone”, staying there as long as you can, and finding it over and over again (since we inevitably fall out of “The Zone”) may be one of the most challenging “Secrets of Life”. People who spend as little as 20% of their conscious lives “In the Zone” accomplish astonishingly more, are happier, healthier, generate positive energy and make a positive difference in the lives they touch. People who spend 50%, 60%, 70% or even 80% of their conscious lives “In the Zone” often change the worlds they live in. They are considered top in their fields of sports, education, religion, business, philanthropy, science and artistic creativity. They are the masters of their lives.

So….how do we get “In the Zone”? Frankly, I don’t really have an exact answer. I know I can’t force myself “In the Zone” or even predict when I will enter….it just happens. But I can speak to my state of mind when I am lucky enough to experience it. First, I am highly motivated and laser focused on the activity. Second, I am completely immersed and intrinsically motivated in the experience. For me, it helps to have a detailed goal that pushes me out of my comfort zone. I need a challenge that drives me with unyielding determination to accomplish the goal. If the task is too easy, I don’t get there... If the reward is only extrinsic, I don’t get there. If I don’t push my skills set and immerse myself in a new experience that absorbs me into the moment… I don’t get there. This is why my entire life I have been addicted to change and am in constant search of new, expanding life experiences. For me, being “In the Zone” is a lifelong passion.

Today, I am writing this blog on top of a mountain in Carmel, California… lost in time as the sun sets majestically over the Pacific in a breathtaking fire of reds, oranges and yellows. The air is perfumed with eucalyptus and jasmine, and the breeze is moist from the light fog coming in from the sea. I am in awe of the moment, surrounded and absorbed by the beauty of nature, yet challenged by how to clearly express this elusive “Secret of Life”….being “In the Zone”.

The Secret Recipe for Romance

Exactly two weeks ago Susan and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. It was off the charts amazing! Imagine the setting… dinner for two outside under the stars, on a private terrace overlooking a waterfall surrounded by candles, flowers, and the sound of our personal music that has accompanied our 35 years of perfect moments. We experienced a uniquely orchestrated Japanese dinner of special appetizers, special sashimi and sushi, special fruit, and of course special champagne and a special sake called “Divine Droplets”. Yes… special, special, special… ahhh, special! Our skilled master sushi chef created what can only be described as art. Our intimate, romantic experience encompassed a perfect evening that lasted over five wonderful hours. It was a dream. We created memories and reflected on memories of our lifetime of adventure. We danced, we hugged, we kissed. We felt the richness of our lives and the depth of our love. It was a beautiful thing.

How, after all these years can we love so deeply, can our romance feel so intensely? Why do I, when asked about my life, immediately and without hesitation say… “The best thing that has happened to me in my life is my marriage”? Romance is truly one of the more personal “Secrets of Life”.

I am not claiming a unique recipe that we can mix together creating a magical formula for romance…. Frankly, every day of our 35 year marriage has not been perfect. We have our ups and downs, successes and failures, excitement and boredom.

During these 35 years we have confronted our share of challenges, yet overcoming and understanding our bumps in the road has only made our romance stronger. We have grown much closer together instead of apart. Our relationship, our understanding, even our passion has evolved to new heights.

OK, enough already with all this mushy stuff! How did we end up more passionate, more in love than our beginnings? The first ingredient in the “Secret Recipe” of romance is "respect". We respect each other’s differences and in many ways honor them. I love Susan for who she is and Susan loves me for who I am. We are extraordinarily different. Susan loves the mornings and is in constant motion. I embrace the afternoons/evenings and can be still for hours. Susan excels at details; I adopt the big picture. Susan executes, I dream. Our differences make us stronger, even synergistic, because we respect and nurture them. We play to each other’s strengths and have learned to rely on compensating for each other’s weaknesses. Our romance is a true partnership.

Partners don’t ever compete. Ingredient #2 in the romance formula is “never compete with each other”. One person always loses. Losing is not romantic. Romance is all about embracing the moment in unison… not winning or losing. Create your life with your significant other that includes separate responsibilities for daily tasks, and don’t manage, compete or interfere in each other’s jobs without an invitation. Second guessing each other is not the definition of trust. Will your romantic partner do it differently than you? Most likely yes! So What!!!

Ingredient #3 and possibly the most powerful element in romance is “be thoughtful”. Being “thoughtful” is about recognition, acknowledgement, and surprise in a relationship. It is about making your partner feel unique, special, and good about themselves. It is stopping and celebrating perfect moments, accomplishments, and major milestones. The advanced art of romance is finding these “thoughtful” connections in everyday activities… in sharing together a smile, a touch… including each other in a spontaneous moment, and recognizing as a couple the joy and contentment in the ordinary and the magic of the extraordinary.

What would a recipe of romance be without a secret ingredient? The secret sauce, the spice that takes our romance to exceptional heights is “intimacy”. Intimacy is being the best of friends! It is a feeling of closeness, of total trust, fulfillment, and of complete acceptance of each other’s differences. It is a very safe place with no secrets, complete commitment, absolute truth, kindness, laughter, and openness to unselfishly sharing thoughts and feelings. It’s a place to have fun and fall in love over and over again. It is vitally important to keep the magic, the sparkle in romance by finding every opportunity to express your deepest emotion. A gentle, sweet kiss, a passionate hug, an unexpected “I love you”, a warm snuggle adds a dimension to our lives that brings completeness.

Romance is one of the most challenging “Secrets of Life” because it takes two souls, two loving and committed partners to achieve success. I know this blog is long but if you can hang in there for just one more suggestion… “schedule romance”!!! Yes, take turns scheduling a night, a weekend, a surprise moment… and don’t stand on ceremony or principal. If your partner misses a turn just schedule another, and another if necessary. It is truly a powerful “Secret of Life” to pursue, nurture, and value romance.

How do you create romance in your life? Is anybody out there that can share a romantic moment? Your personal comment will make us all feel connected.